HUNTING WHITE ELEPHANTS / CAÇANDO ELEFANTES BRANCOS

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12 July 2013

A lovely day in Rio

It was really a lovely day in Rio. News that the private company that runs the x-Maracana has found a team to play there made my heart leap. Fluminense will have the rights to 43 thousand of the Arena’s 78 thousand seats. All of those seats are behind the goals. It doesn`t even bother me that in the first fifteen rows you can`t see the goal line, or that when I walked into this fanciful and spectacular stadium and was marveling at the that the harmonious symphony of colors and delightful twists of nuance in the architectural I nearly sliced open my leg on protruding metal bits. I was absolutely enchanted with the idea that I could leave the confusion of Rio simply by stepping into the Maracanã! It was a delightful escape from the smell and sensation of people. I was worried, though, that when watching a game that I couldn`t quite see completely, that I might be attacked by the opposing fans, or that some obnoxious fan of my own team would block even further my view by standing up with one of those obnoxiously large flags. To my complete relief, those flags and the pestering tic-tic-tak of musical instruments are no longer going to be allowed. I though it such graça when the seleção played a little rodinha de samba after they beat Spain. Neymar is such a cosmopolitan fellow and that Dante! Meu deus no céu, que fofo. Onde é que ele corta cabelo? I wonder if Fred is going to play a little before every game as an inspiration.

As I was saying, I have fear of being attacked by rabid bands of opposing fans when I pay R$100 to get into my private space, so I was absolutely thrilled to hear that Maracanã S.A. is going to install dividing walls between us. I hope they also put gas masks under the seats so that if anyone shouts a palavrão at the referee the police can just launch some tear gas in their general direction and shut them up. Of course, before the World Cup they will have to take it down again, then put it up again for 2015 and then take it down again for the Olympics, but that is why I am willing to pay premium for these seats! I even heard that they are going to have the same kind people that were there during the Confederations Cup to help us to our seats and to get people to sit down. I’ve always said that what this place needs is a good bit of civilizing. And I just can’t wait to see Beyoncé, Shakira, Britney, Justin, and Roberto Carlos. I wonder if they are going to have those big cups of beer again. I collected as many as I could at Spain Tahiti, but could only manage to drink one beer for every goal. Thank God there is no Lei Seca after games at the Xaracanã!

Besides the great news about the Xaracanã, the whole city was off work, so I headed to the beach. I was horrified later when all of these disgruntled people started throwing trash all over the streets and calling the governor a dictator. You don’t vote for dictators do you? I voted for him twice! And that was just the first election. I don’t know what everyone was so upset about last night, but I leaned out my window and gave them a good finger wagging. Those shock troops looked like they were right out of Hollywood – so exciting to see! It´s too bad that that gas makes it up to the 10th floor, it really made the poodles suffer. Coitados.


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