Amijubi, Fuleco, Zuzeco e Safado

In addition to volunteering labor for profitable enterprises, a practice prohibited under Brazilian law for which the Law of the Cup made a generous exception, Brazilians can now participate in the trough-feeding insanity of the 2014 World Cup by choosing between three names for the official mascot.

"Safado"

Not satisfied with having the path to social participation opened by voting on the name of the World Cup ball, Brazuca (made in Pakistan where the skies are patrolled by drones), Brazilians are flocking to their computers to choose the name of the World Cup mascot. As FIFA explained in a press release, that despite their fervent desire to open name suggestions, there were certain legal complications but because “queríamos muito que os brasileiros pudessem desempenhar um papel ativo no batismo da mascote, decidimos realizar algo inédito e oferecer algumas opções para votação” – because we really wanted Brazilians to actively participate in the naming of the mascot, we decided to do something unique and offer voting options.

Uma delicia!

Thanks FIFA!!! I always wanted to have the chance to choose between three names for a mascot that will help cram the Tatu-Bola down our throats. 

The names are the best in indigenous and green-washing of a football tournament that will effectively step on the rights of the indigenous and destroy the environment. “Amijubi” is a combaination of "amizade” (friendship) and “júbilo” (happiness) that also happens "to resonate" with the Tupi-guarani word “Jubi”, which means yellow, one of Brazil’s colors! Perfect! I’m a happy friend to the Indians, I’m voting for that one! (Too bad the Museum of the Indian  next to the Maracanã is likely to be plowed under for the Cup).

But wait, “Fuleco” is a mixture of “futebol” (which I just love!) and “ecologia” which I also love as it is the fountain of all life. If I vote for this name, so FIFA tells me, I will encourage people to think even more about the environment than Carvalho Hosken, Odebrecht and Eduardo Paes combined. So many choices!

“Zuzeco”, well it’s just so dang Brazilian I might not be able to help myself. Not only does the “Zu” sound cool, it represents Azul which reminds me of the color of the seas of Brazils “magnificent coastline, its rivers and its beautiful sky”. Eco, well, why not just say it again because the more you do, the more you’ll believe that you’re participating  and not just wasting your time. If you hold the empty shell of the Tatu-Bola up to your ear after eating its tasty insides, you might hear the echo of the hollow eco-discourse.

Additionally, we’ve been informed by the Overlords that we will be assisting games on the Equator at 1pm. That’s right, kickoffs in Recife, Natal, Fortaleza, 1pm. There might be a good opportunity for someone to enter with the “official sunscreen” of the World Cup. Something durable, like the shell of a Tatu-bola. European television markets have dominated the scheduling of World Cups since Mexico ’86, sacrificing players and fans for the good of the game.